Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Red Balloon



Good morning!  Welcome to my blog.  Today is a Tuesday in September.  There is something that took place on Sunday that I have been wanting to share. 

First, a bit of background.  I am a wife and mom of two elementary age kids.  My husband and I have been married for 10 years.  We moved from CT to Erie, PA nine years ago.  I could be described as a determined, enthusiastic, outgoing go-getter.  Whatever I do, I tend to be all-in with it.  Most of my jobs in life involved working as a riding instructor, show groom, rider, lesson program manager.  I also spent quite a few years as a restaurant server.  Right after Bible college graduation in '01, I did spend two years working with administration, events and communications.  These days I am a team leader for women's ministry at our church and I am also a health coach with my own business.  After making my own health a priority 2 years ago, I began coaching 18 months ago and love being able to share with others how to make the same changes that led to me losing 60 pounds (so far!) and being able to transform my life. 
 

My family of origin (as opposed to my own current household!) involves my two younger sisters and our amazing parents.  They live a couple of hours from here.  My paternal Grandma is my last living grandparent and she has always been so special to me.

 

It can be tricky sometimes being the person that I am and being married to a guy who is my opposite.  I do NOT want to be the wife who takes over and just drives the bus herself.  I do want to have him lead our family.  The hardest part is that I like to do things quickly - like yesterday.  And if things don't go quite as planned, I figure out the next steps as I am hiking through them.  He likes to take his time and looks carefully at so many factors before even thinking of the least bit of change.  


This summer has been exciting with a return to my roots.  More on that here - with "Once a Horse Girl..."  But this has come with a price.  You know what I mean - when your heart wants to be two places at once.  When you feel torn.  When you ask questions that do not have an easy answer.  At age 37, I continue to seek the balance of who I am and who others need me to be.  MOST OF ALL, I want to honor the Lord and walk closely with him.  As I do that, other things do come into place.  God is faithful.

Sunday morning I opened my Bible Gateway app as is my habit.  I do this before I get out of bed so that the day does not begin to get away from me without first HALTING it all and seeking the Lord through His Word to us.  I woke up that morning and my first thought was missing my family as we had just come back from spending a day with them.  I thought of how my husband is so different in his background and personality and how it is a balancing act.  I LOVE him and and committed to our marriage.  Anyone who has partnered with someone just plain different from you knows this dynamic.  Anyways, I opened up my Bible and the "verse of the day" came from this vicinity and I began my reading here...

"The same goes for you wives: Be good wives to your husbands, responsive to their needs. There are husbands who, indifferent as they are to any words about God, will be captivated by your life of holy beauty. What matters is not your outer appearance — the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes — but your inner disposition.
Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.
The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground."  ~ I Peter 3:1-7 from The Message paraphrase

First, my husband is NOT "indifferent to words about God".  For that I am thankful.  When we met, we were at very different places in our spiritual journeys but we were headed in the same direction and we have continued to grow together.  

But the reminders here to think not just about myself and to be responsive to who my husband is and his perspective... to be gentle (which is NOT my nature when I am on a mission!) and to be mindful of my inner disposition (which tends to run hot at times!) and to be holy in what I do.  How am I going to bring myself into alignment with this?  Only by the grace of God and living life with Him as my constant Guide.  I do want to honor him in my life.  

There is a song that has been on repeat in my heart and I was singing it again Sunday morning.  I did a couple of things here and then got ready to head over to the church to handle a few details that needed to be covered before my family headed there with me for the morning.

So I got into the car alone and was singing the song above.  I had left my phone here and was just making the 5 minute drive to be there a little while, check some things off of my to-do list and then return.

As I drove along on Old Zuck, I felt the Lord speaking to my heart to just "let it go".  To lay down the things that have weighed so much on me this week.  It is a long story but my attention was on something that just wasn't working out as I had hoped.

The sky Sunday morning was beautiful, the way it is after a day of storms.  There were white clouds with the sun shining so brightly behind them and giving them that glow, interspersed with a few dark gray clouds as well.  It was striking.  As I responded to the tug on my heart to let it go, I saw a single red balloon that may have been temporarily caught in a tree along the road and it was released in the breeze.  It began to float upward into that beautiful sky.  To me, it was symbolic of "letting go" and trusting the Lord to carry me where He will.  I did not have my phone with me but found this image online.  The sky on Sunday was more of a contrast. 


It was just one of those landmark moments.  A stake in the ground of my faith walk.  It is a daily thing to set aside my own hopes and plans when prompted.  I am determined (aka stubborn) and I am a planner!  God sees the bigger picture.  He knows the desires of our hearts.  He will guide us in the way that we should ultimately take if we will just wait for Him.  

In the past two days, I have thought of that red balloon many times.  It was symbolic as I was right within the moment of responding to the prompting to "let go" of my own plans and hoped-for timeframe with the potential next chapter in the life of my family.

And what did I find yesterday morning when opening up my Bible?  

"Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then make me truly happy by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.
Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too." ~ Philippians 2:1-4 New Living Translation

I read these words after a night of just a few hours sleep.  My husband and I had both been restless in the night and had been talking through many things.  

God speaks to us through His Word.  We just have to position ourselves to hear from Him.

 
Over the weekend, I was working on a logo for my business.  There was just something about this that I really liked!  To me, GROWTH is so important.  Growth as a person in our many roles in life.  I never want to wither.  Growth takes exposure to the things that will help us grow - whether they are comfortable or not!  Progress often comes out of times of friction in our lives.  There has to be something that prompts and feeds change. It is also important to SHINE from within.  To take things on with sparkle and excellence.  
 
In closing, here is another song which is a prayer of mine... Truly HE is the only one who can change what we see and what we seek. 


 

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