Enough?

There is something that has been weighing on me. You know when you are filled with anticipation but also somewhat freaked out by something that you have just agreed to do?  That is where I am right now.  I have accepted the nomination for the role of "Alliance Women's President" at our church in Erie, PA.  Check out our website and welcome video!  On Thursday night we will have a congregational meeting where it all becomes official. I truly enjoy working with women.  I find great fulfillment in creating connections and maintaining an environment that promotes growth in each of our lives. So it is not a stretch to see why I have been asked to consider this role.  Had I been requested for singing a solo or coaching basketball, well, that would be shocking to me!  This is not like that.  I deeply enjoyed the years that I spent as Coordinator of our incredible MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group and that coupled with other life experiences does make this next step appear to be a logical progression.  

With a large church (800+) and the fact that I would be taking on this new role with a 3 year term and as the successor of one amazing woman who I consider a mentor... It is easy to have moments of feeling overwhelmed where I wonder if I will be enough for all that this chapter will require?!?  Existing programs will continue as I become acclimated with their leadership, operations and needs.  Plus I am super excited about something NEW that I am hoping to get going by mid-summer!  Stay tuned for details on that one, local friends!  It will be a once-a-month evening thing that will be not limited to any specific age/demographic of women (ie., "Mothers of Preschoolers").  I am picturing so many faces of friends right now and can hardly wait to get everyone back in a place where we can readily share our lives with one another.  But back to my big question... will I be enough?

This thought can cause me to freeze in fear or I can choose to focus on one of the Bible verses that has been an encouragement to me over the years.  2 Corinthians 12:9 talks about how God's grace is enough for us and how His power is best displayed in the midst of our own weakness.  

I also think of Psalm 121 which says,  

"I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

³ He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

⁵ The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

⁷ The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
⁸ the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore."

We just made a day trip down to Elk County to spend Easter with my family. It is about 2.5 hours each way but definitely worth it!  I love my family so much!  They have so much to do with who I am and I couldn't be more appreciative of them.  As we were getting ready to leave, my Dad asked me if I wanted to check out his new guitar and the foot drum that he had made?  Sure!!!!  My Dad is such a neat guy.  A favorite part of my childhood (and beyond!) is hearing my Dad play worship songs as he sings along on his guitar. The sun was getting lower in the sky and as I looked out the window, I could see my daughter up in the hayfield sitting under her favorite tree.  Incidentally, that was MY favorite tree when I was younger.  Dad begin to play this song Enough (Chris Tomlin) and immediately I knew that these words and this melody will be what I cling to when the highs and lows of this new role push me beyond what I have ever done before.

Last year a speaker at our MOPS group had stated, "What God provides is enough."  This simple truth really resonated within me and oftentimes is the perspective boost that I need.  Last June, I was sitting at the bedside of my husband's Grandmother during her final days here on earth. I was reading to her from the Bible. As I turned to the very familiar Psalm 23, I heard in my mind the way that I had memorized it as a little girl, "The Lord is my Shepherd; I shall not be in want."  But as I read the words of more contemporary version displayed in front of me, I began to silently sob and could not speak: "The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need".  What God provides is enough is the truth that washed over me in that moment as I tried to contemplate our lives here without Sean's Gram, obvious as it was that she was quickly fading and I cried grateful tears that we had made it to CT in time to say good-bye.

A friend had messaged me the other day and included a really beautiful reading.  I looked it up to see if I could find the source to credit in order to share with you here?  This is what I found:

"At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the door, he said to his daughter, "I love you, I wish you enough." 

She said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed good-bye and she left.

He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied.

Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.

"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.

"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, " he said.

"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"

He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more.

"When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye." 

He then began to sob and walked away.

[ Original story by Bob Perks, in Chicken Soup For the Grieving Soul ]

Final thought this evening on the topic of "enough"... A college professor of mine used to say, "When what you want is not what you need, you will never have enough."  What is it that we are doing/exploring in order to find ourselves enough in this life?  For me, I have to keep going back to our Good Shepherd and remind myself that HE is enough. As I prepare for Thursday and stepping into all that my new responsibilities will involve, I think of Dad's guitar song listed above as well as this old favorite which has been a mainstay in my life!  This one would have to be in my own top 5 favorite songs of all time!  If I Stand (Jars of Clay)